Today I decided I was not going to procrastinate any more, I was going to do my taxes.
Fail. Epic fail.
I tried, I really did. First I discovered my laptop’s disc drive wouldn’t read my TurboTax CD. Thought it might be a defective disc and I could just exchange it, but then I tried a few discs I had lying around and realized none of them worked. Yes, I could call HP and get them to send me a new disc drive (it’s under warranty), let them randomly charge my credit card one dollar and then the amount of the drive (to be reversed when they get my old one back, because you can buy a warranty but you can’t buy trust), wait a week for it to arrive, and install it, but I wanted to get my taxes done TODAY. Because when I finally stop procrastinating, I really want to be done with whatever I put off for so long.
So I contacted TurboTax, and even though it was the weekend and I thought they’d get back to me tomorrow during business hours, they got back to me today and fixed me up with a download. Yay, I can finally be FINISHED with my taxes today!
So then I got out my meticulously ordered business receipts for 2015. Here’s a picture so you can appreciate my attention to detail and and organizational skills.
Both my parents saw that pile and were sure to tell me my record-keeping was a mess and the IRS was going to audit me and put me in jail and they were going to have to pay a lawyer a bunch of money to get me out all because I was a lousy record-keeper. (I’ve told my parents if I want their opinion I’ll ask them for it. I never have and probably never will because they always give me an unasked-for opinions. Like today.)
Got it all straightened out, added up, and stuffed back in the folder. Then I got to the part where I had to add my W2s. Now, I had them all in a special folder too, so I wouldn’t lose them, and it was organized a hell of a lot better than the receipts.
So two of them were missing, and I remembered that when I got them I put them in a safe place so I wouldn’t lose them.
It was so safe it was even safe from me.
I spent two hours tearing apart my room, then googled “how to hypnotize yourself to remember stuff”, then finally realized it would probably be easier to call those two former employers and ask about the possibility of getting another W2 sent to me.
I really, really, really was going to get my taxes done today.
On the upside, at least I didn’t procrastinate until April 15th, right?
W. T. Fallon is the author of Fail to the Chief, a political satire in which the presidential election is carried out via reality show, which is almost as bizarre and far-fetched as our current reality.