My generation is frequently misunderstood, blamed for wrecking an economy our parents’ generation fucked up, accused of killing products that weren’t so great anyway by having the audacity not to buy them, and called lazy by people who don’t think a person working three jobs should be earning a living wage. So I thought I’d share some insight into how Millennials see the world:
Millennial: I know I’m a good fit for this job because of my degree in this field and my skills in X, Y, and Z.
Older generation (Baby Boomer or Gen X): Sorry, we want someone with more experience who’s willing to work for what a recent college grad would get paid. Ideally, we want someone who was laid off after ten years with a company, can’t find a job for his/her experience level anywhere else, and is desperate enough to work for entry-level pay.
Millennial: Okay, how about an internship so I can gain experience? Even an unpaid one?
Older generation: Sorry, internships are only for students. It’s a legal thing.
Millennial: Sooooo…. should I wait twenty years and come back when all the experienced people have retired or died? What should I do in the meantime?
Older generation: See, millennials are lazy and don’t want to work. They just want everything handed to them for free.
Millennial: I’d like to apply for this entry level job you advertised.
Older generation: You’ll need two years of work experience in our field.
Millennial: I have a degree in that field and completed two internships.
Older generation: Sorry, you must have two years of paid experience in the field.
Millennial: Then why does it say entry level? What kind of job should I be looking for? Basement level? Subterranean?
Older generation: This job is important and requires two years of experience.
Millennial: Experience is great. You know there’s only one way to get experience, right? It’s when you don’t have any experience but someone gives you a chance anyway.
Older generation: Millennials are so attached to their phones and tablets and computers. They spend all day on social media. They never learn how to do anything but tweet and follow people on Instagram. They have no job skills. You hire them and they don’t know how to do anything.
(Five minutes later.)
Older generation: Hey Millennial, come help me fix my phone, I don’t know what I did but I can’t get back to the screen where I was a minute ago. Hey, how do I get to The Google from here? Can I get to The Google if I have an iPhone? Why isn’t everyone getting my emails? Oh, I have to hit send? I didn’t know that.
W. T. Fallon is the author of Fail to the Chief, a political satire in which the presidential election is carried out via reality show, which is almost as bizarre and far-fetched as our current reality.