In case you’re wondering about the more or less alphabetical nature of my post titles lately, I am doing a daily blogging challenge. Each daily post has to go with the letter of the day, going in alphabetical order. I’ve known since A that I wanted to write about fucks I don’t give when I got to F.
So, in no particular order, things I don’t give a flying fuck about:
- Cleaning. My room is a mess. I like it this way. There’s no point in vacuuming, everything is going to be covered in dog hair in five minutes anyway. No, I don’t have trouble finding things. I know exactly what pile of debris every single thing is in. Also, studies show messy people are more creative.
- The great outdoors. I know some people who like to go outside and camp and commune with nature and make s’mores and, I don’t know, whatever the hell outdoorsy people do outside. Me, not so much. There are bugs out there. There’s dirt out there. The sun is out there. Besides, I can’t live without electricity and wifi.
- Cooking. Don’t get me wrong, I love my microwave. Other than that, I have little interest in cooking. It’s such a hassle. You have to measure stuff, then mix stuff, then wait, then clean up all the dishes. It’s just so much easier to pop a TV dinner in the microwave and have it ready in five minutes. I don’t actually know how to use a frying pan, although I have fantasized about hitting annoying people over the head with one.
- Reality shows about people dating multiple other people, one of whom is destined to be the main character’s true love. Does anyone actually believe there is any reality in these shows? I mean, they ooze fakeness worse than wrestling. The acting is atrocious. I’ve seen knockoff LV bags from China that looked more authentic.
W. T. Fallon is the author of Fail to the Chief, a political satire in which the presidential election is carried out via reality show, which is almost as bizarre and far-fetched as our current reality.