So a few weeks ago I had lunch with my Trump-loving parents who, naturally, decided to blather on about how the Chump is “making America great again.” The conversation started with mom trying to tell me I needed a 401K. She and my dad had this brilliant idea to start me one for my birthday […]Read more "Trump Supporters Are Immune to Logic and I Know Why"
If you’re a serial killer, there’s about a 99.99999% chance it’s all your parents’ fault.Read more "Things I’ve Learned from Binge-Watching Criminal Minds on Netflix"
I came across this meme on social media today, and it brought back a whole slew of nineties restaurants I hated as a kid. So I’ll name several: Bonanza Most locations have closed but it appears a few may still be around, although some may be called “Ponderosa” or “Home Style Dining.” Supposedly the chain […]Read more "Restaurants from the 90s That Have Gone the Way of Photomat, and Why I Don’t Miss Them"
How I File My Tax Return So I’m trying to do my taxes, and TurboTax gives me this tax questionnaire. Among the list of tax questions 2017, here are some of the interesting ones…and my snarky answers that I can’t give the IRS because there’s no place on the fucking form to insert sarcasm. (But […]Read more "How to File Your Taxes With Snark"
How to Get a Yoga Body In the past I’ve written a lot about ads I encounter for products I view to be a ripoff. One was for the frozen yogurt robot—call now to invest in one because all the best locations are going fast! (Strangely, neither I nor any of my readers have ever […]Read more "Can You Really Have the Perfect Yoga Body With This Overpriced Contraption?"
I remember one Halloween when I was 7 or 8, walking around the mall. My parents always took me to the stupid mall because they thought I’d get kidnapped walking around a street. Only a handful of stores had anything good. So I come up on this vitamin store and say “Trick or treat.” The […]Read more "Vitamin Pills are NOT Treats and Other Times I Called Bullshit on Halloween"
Wondering how to succeed as a Millennial? First of all, welcome to Millennialhood, you lazy, unmotivated slug. Don’t take offense, I’m also a lazy, unmotivated Millennial. At least, that’s what I hear twenty times a day, from Baby Boomers or Gen Xers. Anyway, I’m going to look up from my phone screen just long enough […]Read more "Lazy Millennial Gives Advice on How to Make Ends Meet"